Such is Life

It has been a bit since I have written anything. I think I have tried to keep my life busy as a way of dealing with (or maybe not dealing with) emotion. I feel like I have gotten more mature in my recent divorced life. It is kind of like going from the freshman year in high school up to sophmore status. Not really cool yet, but at least not a freshman anymore. Mostly able to hold my own with only the occassional getting stuffed in a locker with a wedgie syndrome.

I have gone on some cool flights recently. I broke my altitude record by flying at over 9,000 feet elevation. It was awesome. I was trying to see if I could see some remnants of the recent fire in Herriman, but I didn't have enough fuel to fly deeper into that area (not to mention I wasn't exactly sure which part is restricted as a military zone and I don't want to be used for target practice). I like flying pretty high. Most pilots like the challenge and skill required to fly close to the ground. They usually stay below 1,000 feet AGL (Above Ground Level). They say that it is difficult to tell that you are moving at all when you are well above that. While that is true, I love the views from up high...and sometimes I find it irresistable to see how magnificent this earth is from altitude.

Flying is my release. I put a lot of energy and time into something that has no major practical value...purely for fun. I feel free and happy when I am airborne. I couldn't answer a cellphone and I better be concentrating on what I am doing. I relate it to going to the temple. It is difficult to be distracted and I love it. I was really happy that on Saturday my kids were able to see me fly. They have seen me ride on my instructor's plane in the past, but this was the first time that they saw me fly as the pilot. I think they had a good time. I certainly did. (No I didn't leave them alone while flying).

Sunday

Sunday afternoons can be a lonely time. I take my girls back to my ex's home after church. I usually feel relieved because it allows me to recover a bit and clean up the tornado in my home. I also feel melancholy because I am usually not wanting to be as proactive as I need to be in other Sunday responsibilities. Is that guilt? Maybe...I will just go with melancholy right now. The word has a nice ring to it.

It is also right before Monday. I love my job and my co-workers, but it does mean I have to refocus and get geared up for the week. I never feel totally ready. Oh well. Why am I writing all this? Not sure, I think I also really want to go flying again and I am excited for actual good weather if it will ever arrive. I think that I have all these things I want to do and I find time to be a very precious commodity.

I played tennis for the first time in a while last week. It was a lot of fun even if I didn't do that well. I have a great serve, but it only lands in play about one in every ten hits...so it really isn't that great. I guess I need more practice.

I made meatballs about 2 months ago and I made way too many so I froze about 8 of them before I cooked them. These meatballs are the size of a small fist. After thawing and baking them they turned out great. I think I will do that on purpose next time because I love meatballs but they are a lot of work to make to my anal standards.

Coming Out Party

I had a coming out party. No, not that kind of coming out. I think that it actually happened about 3 or 4 months ago. I recognized that I am actually a somewhat outgoing person. After years of being introverted and shy, I find myself more drawn to other people. I hear that the definition of an introvert is someone who recharges by being by themselves, whereas an extrovert recharges by being around people.

Being in a marriage for 10 years with a true introvert affected my personality and the way I viewed myself. As with any individual, life is a constant series of discoveries and I have discovered that I do enjoy others. (usually)

I don't know why I say that or how it is relevant, but I once again realize that this blog is for me and it always helps to write it down.

Ok, so last week was fun, I realized this whole dating thing is harder than it looks. I think the most important thing I have to work on is communication. I need to understand what I am saying and what is being said. Sounds simple but for some reason I am not so great at it. Hmmm...maybe that is why I am now divorced? Let me think about that one...

I got to go flying yesterday. Yeah! It was a great trip up around Utah Lake and we flew over Nutty Putty Cave and back. Perfect weather. It is always a lot of work and preparation but I can't think of anything I would rather be doing. There is just something about it that sucks me in. I am having slight radio difficulties but nothing I can't figure out. I think I am having engine interference. When I transmit, nobody can hear me when I have the throttle up. So in order to be heard, I have to set the engine at idle. This makes for a lot of up and down flying (literally). For those that don't know, the throttle doesn't actually affect speed in these machines. It only affects altitude. So full throttle doesn't go any faster, it only goes up. So when I set it to idle, I only have a limited amount of time to transmit before I have to go back up. Thins can be tricky since we like to fly close to the ground sometimes.

Life is Wild

Well, I went whitewater rafting on the Colorado river yesterday. It was class 3 and 4 rapids and it was great. Two of us got bucked off the raft at one point. (Me and another lady sitting in the back). I have never done that before, and luckily both of us were able to hang on to the ropes on the boat. It made it easy to pull us up out of the water. What a rush. One of the boat guys referred to our seats as "the ejection seats". I would do it again in a heartbeat. It was very windy 20-30 mph and the water was only 52 degrees. I had a wetsuit, but it was still cold, and colder still once out of the water and in the wind.

Anyway- I am on vacation this week so I am hoping to go flying soon, hopefully the weather is good.

I can never think of a good title

Well it has been a bit since I have written. Sorry to all those loyal followers, oh wait, I don't think I have any followers...hmmm...good thing this is really for me. So I got to participate in the Susan Powell search last weekend. Nothing found, but what a great experience to be able to help and support those involved. Got to do a lot of flying without incident (the best kind).

On the way back from the search the road is dirt and not well-maintained. Due to this and the age and general condition of my truck, I dropped a tie-rod on the return trip. I was only going about 25 miles an hour when a heard a repetitive thunking noise. After stopping immediately and assuming a flat tire, I discovered the entire steering arm lying on the dirt. If it happened on the freeway I could have flipped. One of the nuts securing the arm had slowly worked its way off. I guess 70 miles of dirt roads can do that. Luckily I was being followed by some other pilots (two engineers and a machinist). Within 20 or 30 minutes that had me fixes up with the rod secured by rope. It worked all the way home (another 40 miles). Whew.

My daughter turns four today. She loves anything pink, and carebears. I think I saw one or two of the carebears shows when I was little (I was more of a transformers kid), but I didn't remember how borderline some of the humor is. Maybe it is because I have been watching a ton of Dora the Explorer and Little Einsteins and those shows are really meant to teach and entertain at the same time, whereas carebears is primarily meant to entertain. My dream of only educational and uplifting programs for my daughters have been foiled...but seriously, who could be mad at a carebear? (maybe if it is grumpy bear it is possible)

Flying Day!

About 200 feet in front of me, a hawk (maybe an eagle, I am not much of an Ornithologist), circled. It peeked over at me lazily as if wondering what I was doing and why I was up there. I hit the throttle to gain altitude and avoid the magnificent creature, but for a brief moment, I was reminded that I am doing something I have always dreamed of, soaring with the birds.

There are a bunch of good pilots that will fly often on Saturdays with good weather at a sod farm in Eagle Mountain. I actually took two trips, each for a bit under an hour. After the flights, we landed, chatted and had a small bbq. What a great time. I always learn a lot from the other guys. Even though most of them are a lot older than me, I don't feel like an outsider. There are such a limited number of people that fly PPCs that there is a pretty quick connection with others that own one. It is always fun to talk about little "events" or mishaps that have helped shape our experiences.

Sorry no pictures of the flight, I actually brought my camera, but when I took a test shot, it gave me a low battery warning and wouldn't take it. I thought it had a few pictures left in the battery, but I think the cold was too much for it.

Life is about the Journey

I am frustrated. I don't know exactly why. I can't put my finger on it, but I feel like there is something inside myself just waiting to be let out. Perhaps it is due to the stagnant economy, the fact that I am not in school anymore, or just loneliness. Whatever the reason, I need a kick in the pants. Not at groin level, mid-thigh would be fine.

I once heard Dennis Miller give a comedy routine (not appropriate for small children, or adults for that matter), that talked about how life was full of tiny doses of happiness. I think there is some truth to that, but I find that I need something to look forward to so that the daily routine has meaning and purpose. Whether it is a trip or event, those moments of hope give me a reason to stay motivated and happy.

I guess I started a blog

Why a blog? Why now? I have been a little too isolated lately and maybe this is my little attempt at sharing. It is cathartic for me to write down my thoughts and I am too lazy to keep a hand-written journal. This is also a way to track my progress and goals. Really though, I think the reason is that after a dozen or so years, I am no longer in school and I don’t feel productive if I don’t have some essay due.

First of all, a bit of a warning to anyone that reads this. I am not known as the most sensitive person. I will often use caution in what I say verbally but I do not plan on withholding as much in my writing. My reasoning is thus: I figure that this blog is mostly for me. In person, if you find me offensive, you may hesitate to end a conversation; whereas in reading a blog, you can always decide to stop reading. I won’t be offended…really. I won’t even know if you read it or not.

I do want to pre-apologize if I offend anyone personally. For instance, I am likely to mention my ex-wife. I don’t mean any offense if I paint a picture that isn’t perfectly rosy, but let’s be honest, we aren’t married now for a reason, but after 10 years, she was a big part of my life. No going around that one.

With that, I want to share what I am doing these days. The most important thing is just trying to stay ahead of things with the girls (I often refer to my daughters Abby and Ellie as “the girls”). I am not always the most patient person, but I do try my best. I am trying to focus on each day; I think I will go crazy if I think about how much I will affect their development over time. Luckily, they are very patient and forgiving. They like to play and constantly seek my attention. I love it and yet am overwhelmed by it. Part of that is because of my attitude and a consequence of not being more social with other people or families with children. The girls have befriended our new neighbors. There are three girls and one boy ranging in age from five to fourteen and they think it is fun to ride bikes together. It is a good start.

I have been exercising more than I ever have before. At first I think it was a way to release some emotion after my ex’s separation, but now I have really started to enjoy it. I look forward to the days I can go and play basketball or even go to the gym. If you have known me very long, you will understand the magnitude of this change of attitude. It has done me some good as I have lost about 15 pounds and have leveled off at right about 200 lbs. If I am exercising at home it is mostly in the form of jumping-jacks, sit-ups, push-ups, or even yoga poses while listening to either Nirvana or Metallica (When is the last time you heard that played in a yoga class?). Someday maybe I will even alter my diet. I have given up soda, not so much because it is bad for me, but mostly because I am cheap. I will still drink it if it is offered freely.

The other big change in my life is that I have started flying. About eight or nine years ago I took some flying lessons in a Cessna, but I gave it up after not having the time or money to continue it. Airplanes are expensive to own or rent, let alone maintain. About nine months ago I found a new hobby flying powered parachutes (PPC). What is a PPC you ask? It is a small go-cart like device with a big fan on the back that propels it forward. The wing is a parachute. It lifts off the ground similar to a regular airplane on a runway, although we often use farmer’s fields instead of pavement. It flies around 35 miles per hour. It is a fun, inexpensive, relatively safe way to fly.

I guess that is a good start for now. In the future I intend on writing about more specifics but I wanted to at least give some background because I haven’t been very good at keeping in touch with people and letting you know what is going on. I have lots more on my mind, but if I share everything I know you will surely be disappointed, so I will wait for another moment of introspection to continue and share.